So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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