i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
