Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
