Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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