From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
