Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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