my sisters under your porch take her home
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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