Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
