Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
