the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
