Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize