Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
