We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
