omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
