I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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