People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
