Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize