THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
