I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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