I haven't been this sober since birth.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
