i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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