Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
