I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
