ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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