We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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