Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
