I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
