I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
