taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
