His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
