I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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