I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
