I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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