remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
