It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
