The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
