My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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