Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize