You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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