I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
