did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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