I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
