I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
