He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
