hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
