Say something about gay babies.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
