i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
