Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
