I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
