I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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