happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
