Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
