my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
