At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
