Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
