just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
