I'm lost and stupid without you.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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