Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
