How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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