if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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