I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
