don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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