Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
