He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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