So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize