I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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