he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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