Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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