I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Then you guys just all showered together...?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
