It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
