i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
