he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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