well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
