I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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