Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
