Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
