We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
