the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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