Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
