My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
