I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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