so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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