yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
