Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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