So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
