I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
