She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
