Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
