I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
