In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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