I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
