ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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