She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
