I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
