that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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