Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
